Being a mother.......

I've always thought of my duty as a mom is to love, nurture, and make sure my son survives. Only did it just now hit me that my son is going to see me in the same light I see my own mother. What a overwhelming responsibility. Already at 9 months my son comes {crawling} to me anytime he gets upset and/or needs help. As an adult, I still go {running} to my own mother for advice and guidance. I'm overly blessed with the opportunity to be a mother, but I stress that I will be intelligent and responsible enough to give him {and future children} the guidance needed for the future, in which is approaching far faster than I ever imagined. 

My mother did a fabulous job raising me. Of course, like any life, there were a few speed bumps {which I like to call learning experiences} along the way. All in all she is the mother I hope to be. When I was young she helped me learn and grow. As an adult she helps me see the world as {unfortunately} it really  is and gives me advice from her own learning experiences. A quote from a TV show I watched with my mom has always stuck with me, "I hope I take the things my mother did as a mom and improve upon them." Isn't that the truth? That's out untimate goal, is it not?

I've said it before, if you would have asked me at 19 being a mom and wife was out of the picture. How I thank god for unanswered prayers. Being a mommy is more rewarding than it is hard. I find as my son grows older the harder it gets though. I'm sure this will continue to prove true. I will be the first to tell you the truth about parenthood. 

When he poops, more times than you'd think, it goes up his back, down his leg, on his feet, in your hands. All of this while wrestling the little nugget. Your goal is to simply get a clean diaper on without getting feces everywhere, or get him in tub as clean as possible. I now make a bottle before I make my morning coffee. Each night I wake up 1-4 {some nights more} times a nightl

 to a crying baby. I watch Mickey Mouse instead of the morning news. Even now, I'm trying to write a blog post while my son is climbing on me begging for attention. 

However, when I'm feeling sad and lost all it takes is his little grin to brighten my mood. No matter how many times in a row he says "mama" it never gets old. His needs come before mine, and being needed like that is incredibly hard to describe. As a mom, your child's life is far more precious than anything else, but suddenly there is this insane fear of dying before watching him grow into the man he one day will be. 

I have a lot of learning to do as a mother, and I plan to take the examples from my mom and my grandmother and improve upon them in my own mothering skills. I'm not a religious person, but I do pray. I pray, Lord help me along the way, give me the patience and knowledge it takes to be a mother. Bless that I can keep my family safe and free from the heartaches life tends to throw at us. I promise to do my best. Amen. 

Climbing at 7 am

Fresh out if the dryer blankie.

RIP Grandma Diamond

Zacary's sweet grandma {Bonnie} Diamond passed recently. She lived a long happy life, and in the short amount of time I was blessed to know her I learned she was absolutely full of love.  Her service was as beautiful as the life we will continue to remember. 

Karen {Zac's step mom} spoke at Grandma Diamond's funeral. Bonnie, being the well put together lady she was, provided whomever was to speak at her funeral with exactly what she wanted to be said. A brief story containing her best memories. What a lovely idea, I thought as Karen spoke about how this story was carefully tucked away in the box titled "Funeral Requests." Because life is so unpredictable, I too am starting one of these boxes. 

Grandma Bonnie has 3 kids. One infant daughter whom she is finally reunited with in Heaven, as well as her two precious adopted sons, Randy and Bruce. She has two step sons, 14 grandchildren, an impressive 60 great-grandchildren, and one great-great-grandchild. 

I was only able to know Granda Bonnie a short time, when her health had been failing her. She was still a lovely lady who made you feel special the moment you walked through the door. She welcomed me to the family with open arms, and loved baby Drayze with her everything the moment she set eyes on the boy. One of her precious last days we went to visit her. You wouldn't believe the way she lit up the moment Drayze flashed her his little grin. Everyone kept telling us, "This is the happiest and most awake she has been in days." At the end of each visit, no matter how tired and exhausted she was, she would say, "You don't need to be running off, stay."

I'm told in Bonnie's more lively days she was always to be found in the garden, as she was an expert in all types of pickles. Boy how I would have loved learning everything she knew. Grandma Diamond, you will be greatly missed. We will forever hold a dear spot in our hearts for you. Until we meet again. 

Meet our plant "Bonnie" we adopted from the funeral. We are reminded daily of our Grandma Diamond's beautiful life. 

Rainy Day Baking

There is something about a gloomy rainy day that makes me feel cozy and content. Especially when it happens to be on one of my precious "mommy days." The perfect compliment to the rain is the smell {and taste} of fresh baked bread wafting in the kitchen. This gloomy rainy mommy day was spent in sweat pants while baking/cooking and listening to my favorite music.

 For the first time ever, I found the ambition to try baking bread. It wasn't easy, but it turned out to be a success. If you feel the urge to bake a loaf {or 3} of bread and are a rookie like myself, I recommend this simple{ish} recipe I used. 

Basic White Bread, from The Food Nanny Rescues Dinner

4 cups warm water (105-115 degrees)

2 tablespoons active dry yeast

1 tablespoon salt

1/3 cup canola oil

1/3 cup honey or 2/3 cup sugar

10-12 cups all-purpose or bread flour 

1. Put the water into a very large mixing bowl or the bowl of heavy-duty mixer. Add the yeast, salt, oil, honey, and 5 cups of the flour, and mix to combine. 

2. Knead by hand on a lightly floured surface, or with the dough hook on low for 12 minutes. Cover with a dish town and let dough ride until doubled in bulk, 30-45 minutes. Generously grease three 9x5-inch load pans and set aside. 

3. Punch down the dough, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead it briefly to remove air bubbles. Divide the dough in thirds, knead each section a few times, and shape into a loaf. Place the dough into the prepared pans. Cover with a dish towel and let rise again 30-45 minutes. The dough is ready to bake when you press down slightly with your finger and the indention remains. 

4. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bake the loaves for 30 minutes. Immediately remove from the pans and cool on a wire rack. 

*Freeze extra loaves in plastic freezer bag for up to two months. 

I also baked a loaf of banana chocolate chip bread which didn't turn out "picture perfect" but proved to taste better than it looked. 

3 bananas, cut up

1 cup sugar

1 stick butter (at room temp)

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)

1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)

1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Coat 9x5x3-inch load pan with cooking spray. 

2. In learns bowl, mash the bananas. Add sugar and butter. Mix with an electric mixer until smooth. {Or just plop that shit in the magic bullet and push go} Add the eggs and vanilla, mix in low for about 1 minute. 

3. Mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a seperate bowl. Add banana mixture all at once. Stir with a wooden spoon just until combine. Fold in nuts and chocolate chips, if desired. 

4. Scrape the batter into prepared pan and bake 60-70 minutes. Let cool in pan 10 minutes, then turn out onto wire rack.