Jax Turns ONE!

The days the kiddos like to press my buttons and test my patients can be so long, so how do the years fly by so fast?!  Jax is already a whole year old! How did that even happen?  It has been one hell of a year, too.  The kid has already lived in 3 different houses and two different states.  He has sat through four different 16 hour long car rides, had pneaumonia, grown wicked callouses on his knees from crawling on our industrial style carpet, been picked on by his older brother, and even been in a car accident.  My baby boy has learned and grown so much since he was born.  I have been lucky enough to spend the first year of his life at home with my boys, which has resulted in him being a huge Momma's boy, but that is OK with me, most of the time anyway.  Ha.  He can be a huge cry baby at times, but he really does have the softest, most loving heart of anyone I know.  He grows concerned anytime he hears someone crying, and has a way of knowing just when someone needs a love.  He will snuggle with those he loves the second they pick him up but is definitely uneasy around unfamiliar faces.  Jaxy boy shows no interest in walking quite yet, though we know he could do it if he just trusted himself.  He is a HUGE fan of the bath tub and has been since he was old enough to splash.  He can out eat his brother and is not picky about what we feed him.  He has been a pretty good sleeper for the most part, often times he will even sleep in until around 9:00AM for us.  He is starting to hold his own when it comes to battles with the big brother.

I'll be honest, I was petrified of having two kids once the reality of it sank in.  I was worried I wouldn't have the patience for two kiddos, and that I wouldn't be able to love little Jax as much as I love Drayze.  I wont lie, having two kiddos isn't easy.  It's exhausting, loud, dirty, and HARD.  I wouldn't trade those two boys for anything in the entire world, though.  I have equal amounts of love for both of my sons, it's silly I thought that would even be a problem.  They are both the light of my life.  I don't know what I would do without Jax's sweet little spirit in our home.  He is so tender and loving, and reminds me daily to slow down and just love. 


We decided last minute to throw together a little birthday party for Jax.  I knew I would have a party for him, but I thought it would have been a week or so after his actual birthday.  Origionally I planned to do a "cookies and milk" themed party and go all out like I did for Drayze on his first bithday.  Let's be honest, though, I didn't have the energy nor the funds for that.  Instead, we threw together a simple little cake and ice cream party.  It turned out perfect.  Here are a few highlights from his big day.

Hanging with Grandpa, one of his favorites!

 

 
The adults were good sports to play along with my game {since there was only two kiddos} "Pin The Party Hat on The Bday Boy!"  Gram Barb won!


  

It looks like he would have loved his cake, but he really didn't care for it.  He didn't like the mess on his hands! LOL

 

 

The Ugly Truth

It has been quite some time since I sat down to simply blog it out.  I have honestly been so consumed and lost by the struggles life has been throwing at us since we moved back to Utah that I haven't felt like doing the things I love.  Which is really quite silly, because when life gets extra hard is probably of the most important times to take a little time for ourselves.  Some days I wake up feeling completely defeated and others I try to tell myself things aren't going to get better unless I put one foot in front of the other and try to kick life's ass.  Since October, we {quickly} ran out of the little nest egg we called a savings, Zac's job with Midstates turned out to be the complete opposite of what we had hoped {and been told} it would be, we struggle to keep food in the kitchen and heat in the house.  Every month when the first rolls around we are faced with the possibility of becoming homeless.  We have been scammed out of $1,500, and totaled the car, which ended up leaving us with a car payment and no car.  So yeah, life is pretty damn tough {financially} right now.  We are doing the best we can with what we have.  Zac is going back to work with Sunroc, and I have {almost} secured a job that has a great opportunity of turning in to a career.  It is definitely going to take quite some time to get on our feet, but I have to believe it will happen somehow, someway, sometime.
Even though life has been testing us as of late, we are still very fortunate to have the things we do have. Starting with our families.  Our little family is beyond blessed with the love compassion we receive from those people in our life.  My parents have gone WAY above and beyond what any parents should have to, to help us and make sure our two little boys are taken care of.  It's quite scary to think where we could be if it wasn't for them.  They have given up a lot for us, from providing Christmas for the boys, their time when they take care of our kiddos and help us with whatever we ask, to letting us take over their home when we have been in between or in need.  Most of all their unconditional love is something we don't ever take for granted! Truthfully, they are amazing souls. Never once having made us feel like losers, or guilty for the help they have provided.  I will never be able to express to them just how very thankful we are toward them, but one day we WILL pay it forward.  Not only are we blessed with my parents, but  Zac's dad has been there for us during the difficult times as well.  He drove all the way out to Braodus, with trailer in tow, just so we wouldn't have to deal with renting a moving truck and such.  He has pushed to get Sunroc to hire Zac back so quickly, even after they just laid off several other workers for the Winter.  He is constantly leaving bags of goodies on our porch for the boys, along with other countless selfless gestures.  It would take me way too long to list all of the many people we are blessed with in our lives, and I don't think I would ever be able to cover everyone.  I have to include the two biggest blessing we have in our life, though.  Our two little stinkers who run around giving us a daily headache but fill our hearts and home with more love than we could have ever imagined, is what keeps us going.  Our two little boys are why we do what we do.  They are everything, and we are very very lucky to have been blessed with happy, healthy boys.  Those days I wake up defeated, I look at those two little boys and know I have to keep pushing on for them! Isn't it amazing how carefree kiddos are?  Seriously, they have no idea what struggles we are going through right now.  They just wake up and are happy as pigs in shit to be able to play with their toys and be together.  They never complain about having to eat peanut butter from the jar, because frankly that is all we have.  They don't cry about us not taking them to do many fun things, they just make their own fun with what they do have.  Oh, how I have so much to learn from those two little humans.
So yeah, life is hard for us right now, there is no doubt about that.  Life is hard on everyone, in different ways.  It has to be, or how would we learn and grow?  We wouldn't appreciate the simple, good times for what they are if we didn't have hard times.  We will make it through all of this.  With a lot of hard work and motivation, it has to get better. I am amazed by the number of people who actually read our silly little blog. I don't know who reads it, or even why any one really cares to read about our life.  But since people do, I hope this post isn't being portrayed as "poor us."  I'm simply putting this all out there because, I like to be real and honest in all aspects of life, especially when it comes to the blog.  I strive to be as vulnerable and real as possible.  It's scary to put such ugly hard truths about our life out there like this, but I do it because I know we aren't alone in our struggles, nor in our happiness.  I know there are SO many people who are going through similar trials, and hopefully someone can find comfort in being able to relate to a regular 'ol person such as myself.  Keep on keepin' on, we've got this!