Risk or Regret

    "Marriage is hard," they said.  I never quite understood why people said this, or what they really meant by it, until close to four years in to our marriage.  Whenever I heard this phrase it's like I was almost offended.  I would think to myself, "perhaps you're not married to the right person, then?"  As the years are passing, naturally our marriage is faced with new life challenges.  Such has brought a new understanding of what "they" meant by the saying.  Marriage actually IS hard, indeed.  Having {small} children can be very tough.  Living hundreds of miles away from everything we've ever known can also be extremely difficult.  Although these have proven to be strenuous, I believe such trials are necessary to grow and to learn.  To grow as a person, a family, and a couple.  To learn the value of working together, learning each others strengths and weaknesses, and to learn just how much we do need each other.  Of course, there are times I'd rather it be easy, but what would we learn from that?  How would our marriage grow?  I sincerely believe our relationship would not be as strong as it is today without the disagreements we have every now and then, or without having to work together to make it through the hard times. 
     Zac has lived in Montana for just over three months, and the boys and I arrived just three weeks after him. I wont hesitate saying the first three weeks or so were some of the hardest weeks of my life.  Unfortunately, I made those first three weeks extra hard on Zacary as well.  But, we made it through.  We have adapted a new daily routine, and I can wholehearted say we are starting to enjoy this little place. We all but instantly became regulars at the IGA, coffee shop and Big Sky Lounge.  The park is our hang-out, the boys and I look forward to our daily walk to the post office to check the mail, often hitting up the library after. We have made a hobby out of finding souvenirs to mail to our friends and family.  We have grown to adore the little Corner Store where the cute old man, Ken is always delighted to talk with Drayze as he chooses his treat.  We even fancy the extra loud siren that sounds each day, right at Noon. Broadus, MT has grown on us. 

 

Ken

    Undoubtedly, as luck would have it, Zac's job is sending us back to Utah for the winter.   Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled to be going home.  It's just, right as we are settling in, and starting to enjoy this move, it's time to go.  Just another element to test our marriage.  If I'm honest, the first week or so of learning we would be moving, I was relatively mean to Zac. Ok, so I was utterly mean to him.{I'm sorry, babe.  I'm not proud.}  I'm learning to recognize when I am overly stressed, I take it out on my husband in a unfair way. In a way, acting as though he has control of these negative aspects taking place in our life at the time.  This isn't true, in fact, it's quite the opposite.  He has been surprised just as many times as I with this new job.  He can't predict what they are going to have him do, or where they are going to send him, any more than I can.  Even more aggravating is the crazy short notice we receive when it's time to up and move.  We kind of knew that, accepting this job though.  We knew it was going to be an adventure.  We knew this job was a gamble. We knew it was, take the risk or regret? We took the risk, and though it can be hard, we are trying to make the most of it.  Together we are making it work.  In one short week we will have this behind us, and when all is said and done, our marriage will be just that much stronger.  

    The actual act of moving is hard.  Physically hard, hard on any relationship, mentally draining, and seriously expensive!  But, boy am I excited to get home!  I can't wait to be surrounded by familiar faces and have our friends and family only a matter of a walk away.  I am thrilled to have a house that will feel like a home.  One I will be able to decorate and put that Diamond touch on.  I am over the moon to have a {fenced in!!} yard my kids can play in, and a fire place to keep us cozy through the chilling winter months.  My kids will have their cousins only a phone call away, and we will have many more options of activities to do during the indoor months.  We will miss little Broadus, MT.  Who knows, maybe one day we will come back here.  I don't know exactly what the future holds for us, I don't really even know what the next 6 months are going to look like. I do know life will continue to throw trials at us.  I do know there will be many more moments {even just with this job} that will have us questioning where our life is going.  Even so, I know without a doubt, with my boys by my side {and getting my behavior in check when I'm stressed} that we've got this!  

Life is a crazy adventure, and in the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.